It sounds so cliché but I don’t think any of my family get me. Maybe my brother a tiny bit, but I don’t think they actually understand what’s actually going on in my life. Or even know why I am the way I am. To be fair, I’m not even 100% sure why I am the way I am, but I don’t even think my family think I’m even anything different ya’know? They just presume it’s all hormones and mood-swings when they actually have no fucking clue what goes on. It’s like I want them to know without physically telling them. I feel like they should already know, just from the little knowledge they already have of me. But they don’t. I don’t think anyone really knows me expect from Shai, Holly & Jack. I don’t think anyone knows how much of a hard time I’ve put myself through. Especially with the events of last year and practically my whole life living with somebody like my mum. Everything just piles up. And then it literally takes 1 event - no matter how insignificant or important - to make everything crumble. And I feel like once I’ve started spiralling out of control, there is nothing to make me better. Like I can’t imagine changing from this state of mind. I just feel so helpless to my own emotions. Sometimes I actually think there might even be something massively wrong, but I’m too scared to talk about what I think and feel because of what people might say. I know myself, when I’ve read about people self-harming or attempting suicide, I think it’s pathetic. And I just know that’s how people will look at me. Like I’m weak. Like I cant cope. And not even for a second do I want people assuming that about me.